Friday, February 26, 2010

Joke 3: Elementary Combinatorics

The senior prom was tonight and Sally was at a salon thinking about all of the different colors and styles of bows she owned for her hair and the many choices of haircuts she could have today. You might say she was thinking about how many PERMutations of hairstyles she could have. Hahahaha.


Sally acknowledged the humor in the pun but the pain of rejection brought her back into the present. No date to her senior prom. She knew she was a walking cliche but like all generalizations, the glossing over of her story neglected the depth of her emotions. "Fuck it," she thought as she chose a hairstyle at random from a reasonable catalog.

The hairstylist was not an idiot but because she was unable to be an advocate for herself she invested too much in others. She knew why Sally was upset the moment Sally stumbled in the door, and in an attempt to elicit a smile (Sally did not care why either of them were bothering), she told Sally a joke. "Why do mathematicians like national parks?" "I don't know." "Because of the natural logs."

Sally smiled and for a moment it wasn't a lie.

Joke 2: Take A Chance On MEasurement

Q: How much liquid did Pythagorus get when he ground up two ABBA Gold: Greatest Hits CDs?

A: 2mL

Explanation: a^2 + b^2 = c^2 or AA + BB = CC. 1 cc (cubic centimeter) is the same as 1 milliliter. so two ABBAs is 2 ccs or 2 mL. Hahahaha.


Q: What kind of liquid?

A: There is no good way to determine the density or any qualitative aspects of the liquid involved with such a small sample so the question is fundamentally unanswerable. Hahahaha.

Joke 1: Sanctity of Marriage

Jack and Sarah are engaged and shopping for their marital bed. They know mostly what kind of mattress they are searching for but they also know that on their current mattress, when they have relations, Jack has a tendency to fall off of the edge of the bed.

They know the measurement of the Side (s) that they like and also how Elevated the mattress should be off the ground (e). Since the other measurement they need to have to find the perfect mattress is a variable, they are calling it (x).

The volume of their perfect bed for intercourse is (s)(e)(x)! Hahahaha.


When they got to the mattress store they realized that mattresses traditionally only come in a few set sizes and since Jack is on the verge of losing his job they cannot really afford to customize. They settle for a queen size even though they can afford larger because Sarah has a lingering softball injury and prefers to sleep on a pillow-top mattress. It is still larger than the double they previously used but Jack's problem continues and Sarah becomes more aware of his inadequacy in other areas. She breaks off the engagement and in the resulting property dispute, gets to keep the mattress. Three years later, Sarah has gone on a few dates with some men but has come to the conclusion that she will never feel fulfilled.

Hello: An introduction to Math Jokes

Early today I stumbled upon this Joke:

A round pizza with radius 'z' and thickness 'a' has the volume pi*z*z*a. Hahahaha.

How hilarious is this! I love math and I love jokes so when I finally stopped laughing I decided to try my hand at creating these hilarious quantitative gems and devote a blog to the effort. Hope you like it!